Marriage Blues-Ghantee baj gayi !!!!

Getting married is one of the most beautiful things that happens in any ones lives. It’s one of the most crucial decisions that can make or break your future.But but but!! The pre marital tension is one of the most horrendous experiences.
Pre marital tension: P lol I can define it as the anxiety, tension and the countless questions that pop up in your mind before you say “ I do” or “kabool hai” to someone.
This is a part and parcel of an arranged marriage.

You have to go through it… everyone goes through it…. And I guess I am the latest victim of this pre marital blues syndrome. Man it’s inevitable. This time my concern is genuine because for the first time ever my parents have forwarded my profile to the boy’s side. Generally it’s vice versa! And beta! If the guys side says yes means main toh gayi !!ab tera kya hoga Gullu baby:-(
Arranged marriage is a pure gamble. If you are lucky you get the partner of your choice and god forbid if things go wrong you end up compromising all your life.The entire process of arranged marriage is amusing and honestly it irks me.I know in the age of shaadi.com and guy meet girl types this all sounds passé but it is an indomitable fact that even today the decision rests with the parents (with majority of communities in India).

The parents from both the sides do enquiry, pooch taach,
For example the girls’ side would ask –kitna kamaata hai kya khaata hai? Sharaab peeta hai ? koi ladki ka chakkar vakkar?
And the guys side will surely ask – cooking jaanti hai ?gharelu hai ?dominating hai ya suppressible hai?sundar hai? Susheel hai ….
Well after the guys and girls sides are fully satisfied and the enquirys over; a meeting is fixed. There’s the mooh dikhai. The boy sees the girl; the girl is too shy to look up even :P
They are told you can go for a walk or a round but come back in 10 min or 30 min or 1 hour.99.99% of the cases the answer is a sure short Yes after they come back from that formal round!Dare they say no because the family reputation is at stake. And then it’s Badhaai ho jee!! rishta pakka hogaya!
Now I wonder how much can you understand or judge a person in a matter of 30 minutes. It’s not like interviewing a candidate for a job where you may give the job and if not satisfied fire the employee. And in some cases the guy/girl are not even allowed to talk. I have seen this happening with my friends. phewwwww!!
I remember as a 16 year old I once asked my relative about her experience.
She told me she blindly said yes without looking or meeting my uncle because Good and obedient girls are supposed to do that. I was clean bowled... and I could make this Yahoo smiley infinite number of times :O:O:O:O…… :O:O
And she told me Gul when your time comes, you too should do the same. I was again: O::O. I was like how could you say yes in a jiffy? God it’s your life too? And she just kept smiling at my inane questions calling me a kiddo and said you surely will understand when your time comes…and yes I have understood and I am not going to succumb to the situation (I hope).

This conversation took place 6 years back and today when the topic of my marriage pops up I am as involved as everybody else is. The difference is that though they all tell me final decision will be mine, I know deep down in my heart, I really cannot help it once the talks reach the final stage.
No probs if the guy says no, but how can I gather the guts if I my heart isn’t ready?
Sigh…. Pure gamble! This is when I recall my 12th class math’s lessons of probability. I hated it as much as I hate this entire process.

And by the way choosing (or zeroing on) a suitable match is another Herculean task!
Especially if you are a five feet ten inches tall girl with a little (if not much) brain and who knows what she wants from life. You know she isn’t a child who can be fooled or bribed with a chocolate to keep her mouth shut and watch. I wish choosing an ideal match could have been as easy as filling a form with tick marks and yes or no options.
But yehi tho fark hai shaadi is not an application form.

Now, I am often asked if I want to marry a boy who’s in service or business?
I am told that since you are from a business oriented family you may have to compromise a lot on daily basis if you decide for a guy in job. Are you read for it?
I m asked do I want to get married abroad? If I live abroad I won’t be allowed to visit my family back home in India very frequently and nor can they come to visit me. Moreover I won’t have the comforts of servants and part time maids that we all have in India. Another funny reason is the War on Terror. Lol. I am told if I get married in Delhi it self there might be a lot of unwanted interference of my relatives in my marital life.
And once I have kids, their admission and studies and quality of life in India everything is discussed. (God abhi shaadi hui nahi and bachon peh pahunch gaye)
Whenever I am bombarded with these questions and their expected answers my head goes zip zap zoom. I don’t understand whether they are helping me decide or confusing me?
I wish some one could guide me on this: - (. Marriage counseling anyone??
I might have my own misconceptions on some facts and I don’t want to ruin my life because of some pre decided notions.
But yes I am sure on certain things that I definitely want some one who values education and respects women. I believe a majority of guys in business (I m talking about an ordinary businessman not a Navin Jindal or Sachin Pilot!!!) have a faaltoo ka attitude and arrogance about their money and are overconfident.
Ok I agree you have money but you can’t buy everything with money!!
Insaan ke paas agar bahot paisa aajaye tho who sochta hai he can buy anything –insaan kya bhagwaan bhi . And I hate this attitude.
Yes I concur that you need a minimum amount for subsistence and a secured future, I am not saying I wan to marry a Saadhu ji but a human being should value money and decide how much is enough for him.
Now – the issue whether to marry a guy from India or abroad.
Well the family’s looking for a tall guy who should be educated and a qualified professional. now to get a boy taller than me with these credentials is veryyyyyyy tough from my community especially in India.
At times the guy is short… if he’s tall he’s just a graduate or too young barely my age.
Lol I don’t mean that I want to marry an oldie goldie… I am 22 so minimum 25-26:P
Isn’t it?
90% of the proposals that my parents get for me are from abroad. Now I am such an emotional fool who loves India and is over attached to Delhi that I can’t imagine living in usa or uk.
I am not afraid of change but I m sentimental about India.
Apna desh is apna desh after all!! My heart never agrees to go so far off. Though I know the kind of ideal boy that suits me and my family will be easy to hunt down in foreign countries yet my first priority is India always.
And last but not the least comes the criterion of looks!
Now I am told listen up Gul you aren’t a miss world or a beauty queen. So you have to compromise girl.
I know beauty is skin deep; you may have a beautiful face but an ugly heart…

Looks is the last criterion on my list. I know I can’t have the best of everything (especially in an arranged marriage) but but but no matter how good-looking or bad looking he is... My heart should say yes if he’s the one!!

And I suppose my wish list is getting endless so I better end it all here in the anticipation of Mr Right.
Jaane voh kaisa hoga re??? Sigh!!

I know there’s nothing much I can do, so there no point thinking about it. Jo hoga manzoore khuda hoga !! Amen